I wanna write something because I like the feeling of typing, but I don't know what to write about. It's just fun to distract myself with constant typing, keeping my hands busy. I'm currently sitting at the school library again, learning how to better prioritize my tasks and manage my time, it's a learning process. I bought this book today on a whim from the bookstore while getting my textbooks, called How to Become a Straight-A Student by Cal Newport, and surprisingly it's actually really helpful and useful, so I think it was a good investment. A lot of the ideas and strategies that are presented are refreshingly useful and realistic, with a lot of actual tested methods by real straight-a college students. I'm so glad I found this book.
I hope I'm not annoying anybody with my typing, I feel like it's so loud. But I need absolute silence to be able to concentrate on anything.
Today's accomplishment: I worked up the courage to ask a student behind me to turn down his music in his headphones because I could still hear it, and he wasn't confrontational or anything about it! I was polite, he was polite, everything worked out. Yet I was still consumed by anxiety about it like an hour after I sat back down. But I did it! Then I texted all my friends about it like a dork because I was so proud of myself.
I wish I knew I was socially anxious as a kid, I thought it was normal to be this scared of interacting with new people. I wish my parents knew. Well, they knew I was different, but they didn't understand what to do with me. It must have been tough to be parents of a weird little kid that was afraid of everything. I wonder how much I embarrassed them because of it. The first time I met some cousins of mine at the age of 5, I was too scared to come out from under the coffee table to talk to them, and hid under there for an hour like a scared animal. In third grade, I had no friends because I was a new student in town, and I just sat by myself at recess. My mom would force me to play with neighborhood kids that I didn't want to, and would yell at me and threaten me with grounding if I didn't go. I couldn't understand why she didn't listen to me when I told her I was completely fine playing by myself, and didn't want to play with any of the neighbor girls. In my mind, I was happy doing what I wanted, didn't care to play with strange new people, and felt like I would just be intruding on them. I feel bad for her now. All she wanted was to have a kid with normal social skills, but didn't know how to teach me, so she did what she knew she could and forced me into it. I don't blame her anymore, but I resented her a long time for it.
I hope I'm not annoying anybody with my typing, I feel like it's so loud. But I need absolute silence to be able to concentrate on anything.
Today's accomplishment: I worked up the courage to ask a student behind me to turn down his music in his headphones because I could still hear it, and he wasn't confrontational or anything about it! I was polite, he was polite, everything worked out. Yet I was still consumed by anxiety about it like an hour after I sat back down. But I did it! Then I texted all my friends about it like a dork because I was so proud of myself.
I wish I knew I was socially anxious as a kid, I thought it was normal to be this scared of interacting with new people. I wish my parents knew. Well, they knew I was different, but they didn't understand what to do with me. It must have been tough to be parents of a weird little kid that was afraid of everything. I wonder how much I embarrassed them because of it. The first time I met some cousins of mine at the age of 5, I was too scared to come out from under the coffee table to talk to them, and hid under there for an hour like a scared animal. In third grade, I had no friends because I was a new student in town, and I just sat by myself at recess. My mom would force me to play with neighborhood kids that I didn't want to, and would yell at me and threaten me with grounding if I didn't go. I couldn't understand why she didn't listen to me when I told her I was completely fine playing by myself, and didn't want to play with any of the neighbor girls. In my mind, I was happy doing what I wanted, didn't care to play with strange new people, and felt like I would just be intruding on them. I feel bad for her now. All she wanted was to have a kid with normal social skills, but didn't know how to teach me, so she did what she knew she could and forced me into it. I don't blame her anymore, but I resented her a long time for it.
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